The Ninja Laws.

..::The Ninja Laws and Facts::..
With in this post,
Blake Tyler Coleman, and my fellow ninja associate David John Johansson as well as our fellow ninja-wannabe friend Brian David Calebaugh will explain the rules/laws of how to live your life as a ninja.

1.) Ninjas never sleep.
2.) Ninjas Free Micah.
3.) Ninjas never fall.
4.) Ninjas always enter a room by doing a back flip.
5.) Ninjas Hate indians and pirates.
6.) Ninjas chill with cowboys.
7.) Ninjas are the only beings alive that can defeat Greg Zanni in arm wrestling.
8.) Ninjas know that Ninjas turtles was not JUST a cartoon.
9.) Ninjas wear boxer-briefs.
10.) Ninjas can be sighted at toga parties.
11.) Ninjas never ask questions... They just break necks.
12.) Ninjas are never heard, or seen. If you hear a ninja, you're one lucky dead guy.
13.) Ninjas walk softly and carry a big stick.
14.) Ninjas should not be fought by normal folks, you'll lose.
15.) Ninjas hate the dentist just as much as the next Schmoe.
16.) Ninjas should never be snuck up on, You do... You die.
17.) Ninjas boast mad props to fellow ninjas.
18.) Ninjas could even kill peter pan.
19.) Ninjas don't allow peer pressure when it comes to drinking alcohol.
20.) Ninjas must smoke marijuana at least once.
21.) Ninjas hate tax returns.
22.) Ninjas taught superman everything he knows.
23.) Ninjas don't die. Period.
24.) Ninjas are the back up to the Marines. The U.S. Government does not deny this, nor do the marines.
25.) Ninjas are illegal in 32 states.
26.) Ninjas don't like DC food.
27.) Ninjas ROCK at "pretty pretty princess."
28.) Ninjas were BORN hardcore.
29.) Ninjas get mad HJ's like it ain't no thang.
30.) Ninjas miss Erik Matheson.
31.) Ninjas can break dance better than Asians.
32.) Ninjas are not Asian, THAT'S a conspiracy the Government wants you to believe.
33.) Ninjas know Miyagi's Cool.
34.) Ninjas invented the black belt, and three others we know nothing of.
35.) Ninjas LAN And play C.S. And their ridiculous at it.
36.) Ninjas wouldn't touch Monica Lewinsky OR Paris Hilton
37.) Ninjas love Walker Texas Ranger, AND Chill with Chuck Norris on Occasion.
38.) Ninjas Love MacGuyver, he's JUST SO GOOD.
39.) Ninjas love to watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
40.) Ninjas frown upon those who enforce 5-5-50's.
41.) Ninjas make a mean Omelet.
42.) Ninjas know what Willis was "Talking about."
43.) Ninjas punch walls with Scoot Mike and Miner.
44.) Ninjas always J-walk. If you don't J-walk, you are NOT A ninja.
45.) Ninjas do not wait in line for three hours to purchase Halo II.
46.) Ninjas are phenomenal at Marco Polo.
47.) Ninjas Don't like ja-rule.
48.) Ninjas are related to the Baldwins... Even Alec.
49.) Ninjas are like Samuel L. Jackson... They're in EVERYTHING.
50.) Ninjas don't finish their "greens" AND still get Dessert.
51.) Ninjas are tight with Mister T. They also "Pitty the fool."
52.) Ninjas don't vacate the premisis when the fire alarm sounds.
53.) Ninjas only like Vanilla ice for one song.
54.) Ninjas don't start shit. They end shit.
55.) Ninjas know that Obi Wan was really a ninja... George Lucas fucked up.
56.) Ninjas could take Jedi's.
57.) Ninjas know that George Lucas is NOT a ninja.
58.) Ninjas know when to use phrases like "WTF" "IDK" "ROXOR" and "ROFLZ" in real life situations.
59.) Ninjas are fully capable of becoming completely invisible at any given point in time.
60.) Ninjas can travel back in time whenever they please.
61.) Ninjas wear Custom made P.F. Flyers.
62.) Ninjas must own a copy of the 'Sandlot.'
63.) Ninjas automatically receieve shotgun.
64.) Ninjas can kill vampires bare-handed.
65.) Ninjas can cure AID's. They just haven't yet.
66.) Ninjas Wrote the Constitution, Stating: John Hancock, Samuel Adams, and Martin Luther King were in FACT Ninjas.
67.) Ninjas were the second gunman on the grassy knole.
68.) Ninjas know there was no skiing accident.
69.) Ninjas beat the weight out of Anna Nicole Smith.
70.) Ninjas Dominate Freeze Tag.
71.) Ninjas would dominate in freestyle competitions.
72.) Ninjas know, "There is no Spoon."
73.) Ninjas built the underground railroad.
74.) Ninjas Cured Schillings Ankle problem.
75.) Ninjas beat the Yankees down 3-0.
76.) Ninjas can contact the dead.
77.) Ninjas rock the shocker.
78.) Ninjas are better at double-dutch than anyone.
79.) Ninjas dominate "Duck Hunt."
80.) Ninjas 'Livestrong'.
81.) Ninjas have natural night vision.
82.) Ninjas can breathe under water.
83.) Ninjas founded America. Fuck Christopher Columbus.
84.) Ninjas ended WW II... At least thats what I heard.
85.) Ninjas Recycle.
86.) Ninjas don't use doorways, they use windows. Or secret portals.
87.) Ninjas have secret portals in their rooms.
88.) Ninjas never used training wheels.
89.) Ninjas invented the wheel.
90.) Ninjas extincted the dinosaurs.
91.) Ninjas use hacks.
92.) Ninjas have 'W00T' tattooed on their arm.
93.) Ninjas never drop the soap.
94.) Ninjas can fly, they just choose not to. They don't like to show off.
95.) Ninjas are Psychic.
96.) Ninjas could beat batman.
97.) Ninjas respect spiderman. Theres no hate there.
98.) Ninjas kill vegetarians.
99.) Ninjas all agree, Jessica Rabbit IS the hottest Cartoon.
100.) Ninjas Love 'Tom and Jerry' The humor we all know and love was taught to them by Ninjas.
101.) Ninjas shower in their Gi's.
102.) Ninjas watch 'Saved by the bell' marathons.
103.) Ninjas have theme songs. All of them.
104.) Ninjas are richer than Donald Trump.
105.) Ninjas don't like water beds.
106.) Ninjas swim less than an hour after having eaten four course meals.
107.) Ninjas bought David Hasselhoffs C.D. And they bump it in their whips.
108.) Ninjas invented Braille.
109.) Ninjas never buckle up.
110.) Ninjas read between the fine-print.
111.) Ninjas could take "Big joe".
112.) Ninjas rinse, But do not repeat.
113.) Ninjas return movies a week late. Without rewinding them.
114.) Ninjas took the cookies from the cookie jar.
115.) Ninjas dominate Tetris like it ain't no thang.
116.) Ninjas got two cartons of milk at lunch time.
117.) Ninjas know 'Mortal Kombat' was true to life.
118.) Ninjas eat carbs. AND killed Dr. Atkins.
119.) Ninjas Dominate everything, The only thing they don't dominate, is not dominating.
120.) Ninjas don't knock.
121.) Ninjas don't mind their P's and Q's.
122.) Ninjas do feed the animals at the zoo.
123.) Ninjas go LEFT on red.
124.) Ninjas know how many licks it takes.
125.) Ninjas built the stairway to heaven.
126.) Ninjas like big butts... And they can not lie.
127.) Ninjas want to bring back Denim Jackets.
128.) Ninjas pay respects to their fellow-retired ninjas, Bill Cosby.
129.) Ninjas Wear Velcro Shoes.
130.) Ninjas know that Velcro P.F. Flyers would Be "the tits"
131.) Ninjas milkshakes bring all the boys to your yard. DAMN RIGHT, It's better than yours.
132.) Ninjas shit DOES Smell like roses.
133.) Ninjas get Senior Citizen discounts at the movies.
134.) Ninjas would have beat Tom Cruise.
135.) Ninjas separated Pangaea. They were sick of the same stuff.
136.) Ninjas dads could beat up your dad.
137.) Ninjas can bench press infinity plus one.
138.) Ninjas don't put the toilet seat down.
139.) Ninjas touch the thermostat.
140.) Ninjas change lanes without signaling.
141.) Ninjas can self destruct.
142.) Ninjas Pwn Dance dance revolution.
143.) Ninjas horse play in the pool area.
144.) Ninjas Plagiarize all the time.
145.) Ninjas don't wear hard hats in construction zones.
146.) Ninjas know the 'Speed limit' is only a polite suggestion.
147.) Ninjas do 21 mph in School zones.
148.) Ninjas are allergic to nothing.
149.) Ninjas roxor Hop-scotch.
150.) Ninjas don't bring airsoft guns to College.
151.) Ninjas can do cock pushups.
152.) Ninjas can't get beat up by their girlfriends.
153.) Ninjas have their cake, AND Eat it too...
154.) Ninjas don't wash hands before returning to work.
155.) Ninjas pick up the pace, when near 'Caution wet floor' signs.
156.) Ninjas know that 'tricks' aren't only for kids.
157.) Ninjas would've given the rabbit a damn bowl of cereal.
158.) Ninjas don't look both ways whilst crossing the street.
159.) Ninjas are bulletproof.
160.) Ninjas snort mustard gas.
161.) Ninjas food of choice is Ramen Noodles.
162.) Ninjas pick scabs.
163.) Ninjas talk, make calls, smoke, and bring food from burger king to movie theaters.
164.) Ninjas walk their dogs without a leash.
165.) Ninjas... the gift that keeps on giving.
166.) Ninjas keep their eye on the ball.
167.) Ninjas speak without being called on.
168.) Ninjas know where cotton-eye-joe came from.
169.) Ninjas died for our ninja sins.
170.) Ninjas art in heaven.
171.) Ninjas discontinued 'Surge'.
172.) Ninjas are at LEAST Bi-lingual.
174.) Ninjas don't like mimes.
175.) Ninjas know what happened to the milk man, the paper boy, Evening T.V.
176.) Ninjas knew Darth Vader was Luke's father, before even he did.
177.) Ninjas won Ben Steins money.
178.) Ninjas made Captain Planet a Ninja.
179.) Ninjas don't tip.
180.) Ninjas are kooler than the Fonz.
181.) Ninjas work for NASA And send Probes to Uranus.
182.) Ninjas eat after-dinner-mints before lunch.
183.) Ninjas are flame retardant, and flammable all at once.
184.) Ninjas built Lincolns log cabin.
185.) Ninjas chopped down the cherry tree.
186.) Ninjas know the where abouts of Tupac.
187.) Ninjas know where your children are after 10:00 P.M.
188.) Ninjas have worked with the Ghost Busters on more than one occasion.
189.) Ninjas can evaporate.
190.) Ninjas have ridden in the Magic School bus.
191.) Ninjas are kooler than Dave, the father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
192.) Ninjas have been known to live off of a singular "Cup'o'noodles" for years at a time.
193.) Ninjas do not turn their seat backs and tray tables to their full and upright position during take off.
194.) Ninjas go in the express lane with THIRTEEN Items.
195.) Ninjas operate heavy machinery after taking sedatives.
196.) Ninjas use aerosol cans in a manner other than directed. AND Near open flames.
197.) Ninjas pass on the right.
198.) Ninjas will smash your face into a windshield and then take your mother out for a nice steak dinner, and never call her again.
199.) Ninjas know that Tony Danza's the Boss even though his talk show sucks.
200.) Ninjas don't talk about fight club.
201.) Ninjas double back cutsies no reversies no backsies triple dog dirty house locksy sox whatever you say I have one more two times Five.
202.) Ninjas use CS Commands. "Alpha team leader, Tango flanking back side of your six, Eagle Hawk 1 Out" "Affirmative"
203.) Ninjas Rock the Casbah.
204.) Ninjas can see Sammy in the dark.
205.) Ninjas help wheelchair bound people in the snow.
206.) Ninjas know all asians know kung fu at birth, but could still dominate in a fight.
207.) Ninjas prank call your mother.
208.) Ninjas would make France surrender in a 1 on 1,000,000 battle.
209.) Ninjas run, Ninjas slide, Ninjas hit the bump... And take a dive.
210.) Ninjas don't have Californian sunsets tattooed on their upper right arm.
211.) Ninjas wear silk pajamas.
212.) Ninjas have Gay R.A's.
213.) Ninjas. The French suck.
214.) Ninjas inspired the title "Gone in sixty seconds."
215.) Ninjas will be the end of Ashly. Period.
216.) Ninjas brought the 'Big cups' back to the DC.
217.) Ninjas hail from the fourth floor and ARE Hardcore.
218.) Ninjas antique bitches like it ain't no thang.
219.) Ninjas always finish. No matter what the circumstances.
220.) Ninjas will be responsible for the discovery of Usama Binladens where abouts.
221.) Ninjas steal hazard/warning signs like it's hot.
222.) Ninjas double dip. And don't think twice.
223.) Ninjas don't need caller ID. They just know...
224.) Ninjas get everything. Nothings "Over their head."
225.) Ninjas can teleport at will.
226.) Ninjas do dangerous things without the safety gear.
227.) Ninjas do all their own stunts.
228.) Ninjas took their first steps WAY Before you did.
229.) Ninjas don't pay the parking meter.
230.) Ninjas liked 'Three Ninjas' but hated the sequels.
231.) Ninjas HAVE Too much time on their hands.
232.) Ninjas don't like the Yankees. At all. They <3 the Red Sox.
233.) Ninjas invented the snooze button.
234.) Ninjas know the answers to rhetorical questions.
235.) Ninjas don't use Napkins after they eat.
236.) Ninjas are lethal. Guns don't kill people... NINJAS Kill people.
237.) Ninjas don't know the speed of light, they only know that they move faster than it even in slacks and loafers.
238.) Ninjas don't wrestle. They BEAT. BITCHES. UP.
239.) Ninjas play in traffic. Blindfolded.
240.) Ninjas invented tongue-twisters.
241.) Ninjas 'Drop it like it's hawwwwt'.
242.) Ninjas punch necks out. No question. Neck Punched = Gone.
243.) Ninjas would be the best, most dominant sales representative in the tri-state area.
244.) Ninjas are so good at 'wheres waldo' it's eery.
245.) Ninjas know whether 'To be' or 'Not to be'
246.) Ninjas are amazing musicians. If Ninjas started a band, it'd be all over for the rest of the music industry.
247.) Ninjas never lose in rock-paper-scissor. Ever. If a ninja faces another ninja, it's never ending.
248.) Ninjas 'never say die.'
249.) Ninjas don't pay for long distance phone calls.
250.) Ninjas pay half price at the dollar store.
251.) Ninjas can both create, AND destroy matter. Eintstein was unaware that Ninjas existed when he came up with that theory.
252.) Ninjas float like butterflies and sting like a rhinocerous falling off of the Empire state building.
253.) Ninjas don't get abducted. They snap aliens necks.
254.) Ninjas can withstand the direct blast from a Nuclear bomb.
255.) Ninjas tried to fram OJ... It didn't work, Turns out Johnny Cockrin is a ninja.
256.) Ninjas are responsible for six of the seven world wonders.
257.) Ninjas really built 'The great wall' Chinese people played no part. It took them six minutes and 11 seconds.
258.) Ninjas wrote Family Guy.
259.) Ninjas live on Seasame Street. This includes Bigbird, Snuffy, Elmo, Tellie, and Ernie. Not Bert.
260.) Ninjas don't have Uni-brows.
261.) Ninjas always know what number you're thinking of from 1-10.
262.) Ninjas jack more pic-a-nic baskets than Yogi. Straight up.
263.) Ninjas don't use spellcheck.
264.) Ninjas would drink you under the table. And then snap your neck.
265.) Ninjas would be the ones to survive in a zombie invasion.
266.) Ninjas train all meter maids to be neither heard nor seen.
267.) Ninjas play in the sun, and don't wear sunblock.
268.) Ninjas would clear off a snow covered car in .03 seconds flat.
269.) Ninjas camo index is always 100%.
270.) Ninjas participate in 'the most manly weekend ever'.
271.) Ninjas fought the entire Gulf war. The footage is all fake.
272.) Ninjas admit that Niel Armstrong is a ninja. Ninjas are responsible for landing on the moon.
273.) Ninjas own Swiss army knives with fully collapsable lawn chairs.
274.) Ninjas don't believe in good luck. It's just ninja mercy.
275.) Ninjas are always one step ahead of evolution.
276.) Ninjas built Bill Gates, Thats right, he's a robot... And you thought X Box was impressive.
277.) Ninjas are constantly holding up the leaning tower. It's actually falling, their just Always there to catch it. You just can't see them, because their constantly running back and forth from Chicago, where their responsible for the making of the best damn deep dish pizza on earth.
278.) Ninjas are responsible for making the world go 'round. Their JUST that fast.
279.) Ninjas have all the chaos emeralds.
280.) Ninjas can turn people to stone just by looking at them.
281.) Ninjas could defeat Achilles. Even if he was wearing Kevlar boots.
282.) Ninjas eat Kryptonite for breakfast.
283.) Ninjas have secret ninjas training camps in celtic Ireland.
284.) Ninjas are the force. Without the ninjas, there's no Luke Skywalker, or whatever?
285.) Ninjas have mastered the art of Light bright. 'Light bright light bright, shine so bright, beatiful colors shines all night.
286.) Ninjas never forget. That's right, I'm hereby implying that elephants are in fact ninjas.
287.) Ninjas are well hung. Steph loves her some well hung Ninjaz.
289.) Ninjas start snowball fights when their forced to be outside at 1 in the morning whilst everyone else sits idoly by and bitches.
290.) Ninjas could swim across the Red sea in a full suit of armour.
291.) Ninjas know about the secret 89 cent menu at fast food establishments.
292.) Ninjas would be happier if John Woo didn't exist... But Cowboys like John Woo, and Ninjas are down with Cowboys.
293.) Ninjas don't respect your opinion about them if you graduated from Marshfield High School with 327 people in your graduating class.
294.) Ninjas were so good at "Don't wake daddy" that Milton Bradley discontinued the game.
295.) Ninjas really killed Hitler.
296.) Ninjas drink from the carton. And whipe with their sleeve.
297.) Ninjas complete the tour de france in minutes. They just never get credited with a win because theirs no visual proof of speed that fast.
298.) Ninjas are water resistant up to 2,000 leagues.
299.) Ninjas taught Aladdin everything he knows.
300.) Ninjas are stupid good at lazer tag. STUPID Good... Stoo. Pid.
301.) Ninjas are responsible for seedless watermelon. Its not a scam... The watermelon is just as delicous when you have to spit out the seeds but, thanks to ninjas... You don't have to.
302.) Ninjas know when it's time to quit... They just don't.
303.) Ninjas know when you are sleeping, they know when you're awake... They know if you've been bad or good, so be good or they'll jump out of your closet with a katana drawn and cut you to itsy bitsy pieces after having spun your head around your neck a trillion and two times.
304.) Ninjas can jack in, and jack out of the Matrix just by blinking really hard. Even Agents bitch out to ninjas. Neo knows not to fight ninjas... That's the on going joke in the Matrix Neo is "The one" Who will never fight a ninja.
305.) Ninjas warm up before they work out. They do so by breaking the Guiness Book of World Records... ALL Of them.
306.) Ninjas can always 'Hear you now.' Whether or not thats 'Good' is left for interpertation.
307.) Ninjas 'Punched Nancy'...
308.) Ninjas can't make noise 24 hours out of the day.
309.) Ninjas would get kicked off campus JUST to prove they were THAT hardcore.
310.) Ninjas will deliver your mail no matter what, Rain, shine, snow, meteor shower, dinosuaresque alien invasion, herpes, heck even if their favorite hit series is on, their mom can always tape '24'.
311.) Ninjas. 311..
312.) Ninjas go to J S on T, to D B's with their F's and pos get their D S'ed by mad H's kid. Obvi...

-I heard that one time, a ninja lost his tooth and put it under his pillow. And when the toothfairy showed up to do her job, he snapped her neck. The following goes for the Sandman, Santa, the Easter Bunny, and The Milkman.

-One time at lunch, A kid burped on camera. And I saw a black blur fly by... Kid was dead before he even knew what hit him. We slowed the tape down to see what that black blur was, and couldn't. So we took the tape to NASA, they slowed it down and it turns out the black blur was 16 Ninjas.

-One time, My brother dropped his cell phone off of a fifth story Balcony. So he assumed it was broken. Little did he know a ninja jumped out of the bushes as the phone was on its way to an indefinite disaster, and caught the phone, placed it gingerly upon the ground, and backed away into the shadows. Guarding the Cell Phone. So my brother walked down the stairs to the parking lot where his cell phone had landed. Whilst he was on his way down the stairs, a crack head saw the cellphone in the parking lot and tried to take it, The same ninja that had caught the cell phone then jumped out and snapped his neck and pulled his lifeless body into the bushes with the greatest of ease. My brother was shocked and amazed to see that not only was the cell phone in one piece, But there wasn't even a scratch on it.

-There once was a man from Nantucket, Who fell and got stuck in a bucket. No matter how hard he tried, the bucket he was still stuck with... A ninja saved that man. Granted his bucket will never be the same... But at least his ass is okay. The victim in the bucket incident would like to thank Ninjas everywhere for their good deeds.

-Famous film director George Lucas was recently on set in tattoine filming the third installment of the Star Wars prequiles. Everything was going smoothly until they were shooting the scene where all the Jedi get whiped out by the Sith lords. In the movie you'll see in theaters it looks like great special effects and a lot of well choreographed fight scenes... Meanwhile it's actually real life ninjas snapping Jedi necks like what...

-This one time there was this scientist who was staring through a telescope and thought he came across a shooting star. But then he realized it was shooting across the sky continuously, over and over again in two second intervals. It turns out it was a ninja lapping the earth.

-Recent studies done by the Nations top scientist has shown that Ninjas truley are the fastest beings on earth. Most Notable prior to the ninja were the land dwelling africanized Cheeta which had clocked in at an impressive 72 miles per hour. Or the Perigreen Falcon, which can dive at speeds upwards of 262 Miles Per hour... Research has even shown, that Ninjas are faster than Nascar great, and racing favorite, Jeff Gordon. The "Thunderous 24 car" is no match to the speed and acceleration of a Ninja. I must say, I was even surprised myself... To think, 'man' being faster than machine... Good god.

-One day a ninja was trying to get into Courtney hall at 8:01 PM on a tuesday evening. The R.A's asked to see his I.D. And were confused as he exclaimed "I've already showed you five times, you just haven't seen it yet obviously because I've flipped my hello kitty wallet open entirely way too fast."

-I was talking this guy one time, and then all of a sudden I wasn't. Ninjas. Cause he was gone...

Current Mood: Ninjalistique.
Current Music: Go Ninja Go Ninja Go- Vanilla Ice.

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